grrgrrgrrr....man...chemistry's so frustrating!!! tried 2 do carbohydrates tutorial n oh my...de notes is of little use 2 me! not 2 mention dat it seems dat my chem resources dengki pasal chem guidebk only offer environmental option n chem longman textb gives all other options EXCEPT biochem...like man...freaking dangz seh..

n maths is equally frustrating. sum1 help me wif vectors!!! i haven even clear de 1st tutorial...oh Allah...pls gif me de patience 2 survive dis period. thank u. luv u.

since laz time till now, i've always been doing constant reflections on myself to find out wat's wrong wif me, wat i shd try 2 change, wat i can improve on n watsoever... n dere r definitely times wen i relli believe dat i'm very insensitive 2 others no matter how sensitive i am. datz kinda contradicting but smehw...i dunno...i guess i'm sensitive not exactly at de rite times? sumtimes..i'm juz 2 caught up in my own problems 2 c dat others r oso having problems...sumtimes, i guess i'm juz selfish...sumtimes, i'm juz stupid n dun realise it...n sumtimes i juz do things without thinking....

i honestly feel so bad wen i realise wat i've done or wat i missed out or wateva....n it hurts me a lot 2 know dat i've been insensitive....i guess i've neva been observant coz it neva seemed 2 matter in my life. all my life i've been stupid no matter how clever i was. i wdnt know hw 2 xplain it properly lah. but i d know dat amidst my cleverness...i can honestly b freaking stupid in things other than academics n i'm honestly, sincerely sorry 2 whomever dat i might've eva hurt in my whole entire life.

now though...it matters...i'm still trying n i'm sorry if i'm not gd at it. sorry.

n i tink i owe my close frens an apology. i'm juz a hypocrite who's selfish. i'm sorry.

sumtimes, i'm juz so tempted 2 slap myself. sumtimes...i juz dun understand y i do things wen i know i make myself feel guilty aft dat. am i juz plain stupid or wat? oh wells...

i tink i'm a grouch. ouch.

sumhw i dunno if im turning crazy or wat...

sumtimes i juz dun understand hw my mind works...

oh wells...

y, y, y, muz i ban myself from chocolates??? i'm suffering seh...my daily snacks used 2 b chocolate based so now without chocs, i haf a limited range of things 2 eat...n me...wif a high metabolism rate...i need food!!! grrtz...like nw..i'm hungry...grrr...

anw, smlm i found out frm my ustaz dat de sec 4s dis yr kat perdaus, including me...will nt b taking o levels madrasah...tis so unfair!!! i wanted it so much seh...i was honestly tinking of gonna do my bez n all n i found out dat i wun b taking it only now?! haix...sgt menyedihkan...tho perhaps others wd seh it's a relief since im taking a levels dis yr but i want o levels madrasah!!! irritating seh....i wanted 2 know hw well i know things...how i am compared 2 other madrasahs n all u know...haish...

anw, i like neopets..haha...thank u 4 being my fren...=)

bianglala itu pelangi.

anggota panitia itu ahli jawatankuasa.

i like mlep. yay! =)

was reading some of my past entries from my various blogs n it juz reminded me how i've lost myself in dis sch...it's like my identity...wat i used 2 b proud of, wat i used 2 associate myself wif...it's all lost....

sumtimes, i honestly do not know wat 2 think...dere's juz 2 many qns swimming in my head dat r left unanswered....sumtimes...wen i tink of all dis qns...i juz block these qns out of my head coz i juz do not want 2 cum 2 a conclusion. i do not want 2 know d real answer to these qns...

sumtimes, i feel like i've let down myself, let down evryone around me.

sumtimes...i juz dunno wat 2 think.

i juz feel like blocking evryting rite now n juz focus on my studies...but in dat process, ppl will get hurt?

honestly....wat do i want in life? i do know tho dat i hate regrets n i wanna live life without any regrets....

*surrenders* i give up. my brain has juz lost d ability 2 think rationally. n i've juz got loadsa depressing negative words 2 describe myself. y? coz i lack of self-esteem. wateva.

and a new chapter begins as of 2day...

determination n discipline is of utmost important. i juz hope i dun let myself down. i MUST NOT let myself down. yea.

yesterday...sumhow...evryting din go very well...1stly, i woke up late..din haf time 2 prepare my madrasah things so, i juz went off aft i siap n of coz reached sch late. aft dat, me n fatin as facis, we got a topic dat we din quite understand. den, mase perbincangan...we started off stuck. as in berbual sikit den aft dat dunno wat else 2 bring up..haix...den, bile finally dah brainstorm byk2, mase presentation pulak, whoever supposed 2 ype out the things 4 us on ppt typed totally diff things....none of de points yg kiteorg da brainstorm...kau...i was so sad! my grp's effort tau...sedih seh...n den kumpulan yg lagi 2 dpt mase yg lebih utk complete their ppt slides. unfair!

hmm...den, bilik solat was at blk b instead of blk d. den shutters 2 de stairs were basically closed. leceh seh. terpakse naik stairs kat general office...n bilik solat was at hujung blk b. bagus sgtlah tu. after lunch, i rushed home 2 siap 4 madrasah...n well, can guess lah...i lmbt 4 madrasah as well...haix..

den, dpt balik report bk, i was sooo saddenned dat i did quite badly...as in percentage wise...k, but dat prob was solved coz apparently, dere were some miscalculations so..yea..not bad... but i din get de position dat i wanted...oh wells...

hmms...den, dah released..my mum called 2 say shez fetching me...man, i relli am sorry...tried 2 get out of it but well...doesnt make sense dat i wanna balik sendiri wen my parents r at tampines alredi. so, i had 2 agree...i was relli heartbroken...i'm relli sori...den, had some misunderstanding wif my parents so i tink i made 2 ppl bingit wif me yesterday...my parents waited 4 me at another bus stop. den shortly aft picking me up, we went 2 mkn mlm...datz wen i realised it was my mum's bday. den, i felt soo selfish aft dat. haix...

anw, juz sumting intresting...my parents + my other relatives nga blaja ngaji wif taufik batisah's dad..haha...cool eh? yesterday was de 1st lesson at my aunt's hse. yupz...

n dat was my day yesterday...*shrugz*

kla, tapi overall, de day not bad lah...kat seminar belia i made newfriends...twas rather fun actually...tho i was quite sad pasal tk dpt stay utk pelancaran bulan bahasa...i wanted 2 watch NJ perform. n dere was an embarassing moment ah. c, one of de NJ performers was hizam, i knew him frm mendaki camp. skali, mase i was walking, he waved at me, so, i was happylah...ingatkan he rmmbrd me...so, i waved back n smile...he muz haf tot my reaction 2 b weird coz apparently he din rmmbr me n waved 2 me coz he wanted 2 ask where de bilik solat 4 guys was. man...felt so idiotic aft dat.

oh wells...as i sed...tho yesterday was fine...everyting juz seemed 2 go wrong...sumhow...oh wells...wat can i say? i juz know dat i neva eva wanna quarrel wif u...relli...