i honestly need 2 get a grip on myself...apparently, my brain is getting totally out of sorts...guess it was a bad thing dat i had 2 go home alone coz aft i left sch, i msged my mum 2 kol me...dunno y i felt dat way but appparently, i relli needed sum1 2 tok 2 n i tot hearing my mum's voice wd relli, relli help. she didnt call me, let alone send a reply. so, i dunno...i juz kinda terase hati n i totally suddenly din feel like gg hme...so, i was juz tinking dat perhaps i shd gif her some time...so, i decided 2 go tamp lib. rd a bk coz my brain totally needed some rez. den, it was alredi 6.30. still no call n i was down in de dumps. so, decided 2 kol up a fren tho sumhw i juz had de feeling it wdnt help. n it didnt coz my fren was bz. sumhw, i gt toally upset n decided not 2 pick up any more calls. didnt know wat 2 do n so i burst into tears at de bustop. i juz put my head down coz i got a seat at de busstop n i juz started crying. den, after i felt ok, i decided 2 try one more person...tried msging a fren...waited 10 mins n i juz cdnt take it anymore...no reply so...i switched off my hp.

n so, i decided nt 2 go home. went 2 tamp lib n grabbed another bk. stayed till abt 7.35. n i was feeling tired. i totally needed a gd nite's slp. so, reasoned out myself 2 go home. finally. caught de bus n den i started crying on de way hme agn. wat's wrong wif me? i tink i need 2 c a psychiatrist or sumting. totally. coz i am gg crazy. hw many times haf i cried dis wk?

den, managed 2 rez a bit in de bus. was feeling miserable. wondering if anyone missed me. so, i managed 2 reach home at 8.30. no one even said hi 2 me. my mum was in her rm tgh solat. so, i guess no one tried 2 contact me aft all. if nt wdnt dey b worried y i msged at 6 n reach hme at 8.30? y doesnt anyone seem 2 care anymore?

i took out de tilam n went straight 2 slp. with my uniform n jacket still on. cried myself to slp. n yea, i din eat dinner. actually nt even a proper lunch. breakfast was juz a slice of bread i tink. lunch was plain waffle n a snickers bar. n i was hungry. but no one asked anw.

dis wk has been a totally maddenning week. my brain is juz overworked. have been having 2 papers almoz evryday. n yesterday? abt 3 papers sort of. physics paper 1, physics paper 2 n hml paper 2.

tho it was a wonder hw i cd answer my hml qn. tot i wd b leaving at least a section blank.oh wells... all in all, dis has been a totally horrible wk. i juz hope it doesnt continue.

i'm feeling so utterly miserable wif myself dat i almoz wished it was possible 2 start life anew at some place new. at least den, i can try 2 find myself, n build up a sturdy character without anybody's influence. haix...i tink i need a counsellor.