as seconds tick, as minutes pass, as days go by...

haix...monday is prelims...my revision is perhaps as gd as none. gr8.

u know dere r times....many, many times, wen i tink i made stupid choices....stupid choices coz i know i shdnt do it but i still do it in d end. i cant say i'm stupid coz de fact is i aint stupid. i'm blessed wif a brain dat working juz fine. so, y do i still make these choices???

everyday, i'm being reminded of how much Allah loves me such dat dere r times wen i feel like I dun deserve Allah's love. wat haf i done to return Allah's love for me. HE never gives up on me. even tho i've done soo many mistakes....i shd feel blessed. n i shd stop making mistakes den. nw, i almoz wish i'm perfect.

i juz do not know wat else to say...i feel like i'm in a dilemma...i'm torn apart...i honestly do not know at i shd do..or mayb i juz refuse to listen to my heart.

dere r so many times dat i feel like juz giving my life up...but i cant coz i'm a Muslim. wat a thing 2 say...but i know deep in my haert i dun wanna end life...i want 2 c my future...get hold of my dreams...but at de same time...it's like evrything dat keeps running around in my brain, evrything dat tugs at me, evrything dat i'm constantly thinking off is driving me crazy at de same time i'm still sane enuff 2 not make me go crazy. get wat i mean? n dis makes me feel so helpless n confused.

so, tell me...wat shd my nxt step be?

y muz i go to a university??? i've asked myself dis qn countless of times dis yr. n i realised dat im gg dere juz bcoz it was a route i had 2 follow. i mean...wen i was young, dere was juz no qualms on wat route to take. i was supposed 2 go pri sch, sec sch, jc den uni. but do i relli want 2 b dere? i wish i cd study bcoz i want 2 study. i wish i cd b passionate abt studying like how tokoh2 agama dulu semua memajukan sains n wat not.

but no. i'm juz a useless bum wif no aim in her life for studies....sum1 who ironically wants 2 b a teacher.

y cant i juz gif up?

temptations r juz so hard 2 resist. sighs.