confession: i don't dare fall in love...

i guess i'm not sum1 who likes to take risks...as far as possible i try 2 avoid them. n i know ive been trying not 2 give my heart away coz i want 2 give my heart only 2 de guy i'm confirmed marrying...coz in dat way, dere wun b much heartbreaks, rite? or problems...i dunno...n i juz haf a feeling dat if i eva give my heart away, i'll neva b able 2 retrieve it back or at least fully anw...which means wen i fall in luv, i'll moz prob fall hard which would make it difficult 4 me 2 stand upright agn should anything happens...

how do u define love anw? i used 2 feel dat i'll juz know it wen it comes...like i'm supposed 2 haf a magical feeling...sumtimes i wonder if im living in fantasy still but relli, i do put love on a high pedestal. guess i juz believe a lot in it. has 2 do wif watching my parents, my grandparents...dey're my source of inspiration dat marriage can indeed be a bliss n i do wanna believe in dat. but i also do think dat love is built upon trust and understanding and caring 4 each other and dat love can be nurtured. if dats de case den de prob now is juz...2 wat extent...sumtimes, i hate myself 4 neva being able 2 distinguish de line....fren....who is considered a fren? my thoughts are all juz so jumbled up but heyy...no worries to anyone...coz, i'm juz giving a thought on wat i feel but relli...rite now, it's not dat severe so, i can still live wif dis jumbled-up mind. heh. but honestly, i wished i knew where my feelings lie...n i honestly hope dat khai will take d early bus...hmms...

yea...now, shall do my hmewk. haf a gd day!