on the brink of...

ok mister...my tears fell finally. a little. coz i was talking 2 my parents...n my big-mouthed sis sed dat i wanted 2 quit school. n so, dey were asking me abt dat statement...n den i sed i was felling stressed n blabla..n so, the tears fell down.

haish..stressed...y am i stressed? u asked me dat while i sed i was stressed rite? ok, so dat made me think...n think...n think...so, perhaps i'm putting too high xpectations for myself...but i have reasons for doing so...dis A level examinations juz happen 2 mean a whole lot 2 me...i relli, relli wanna gif my all n gif my bez n do my bez...coz it's one of my laz chances 2 prove 2 myself dat i can do it...

psle was a fluke...whereas secondary school...dat was not my bez...n i know dat very well...i wasnt paying much attn in classes...studied laz minute for o levels...i juz did a whole load of things...dat rite now made me regret...coz now, i'm struggling wif maths...trying 2 keep up wif physics n chem, n trying 2 maintain my okness in hml.

argh! n i feel so stressed out coz..rite now...i'm onli trying 2 keep up wif my teacher...not doing revision yet...n my foundation is freaking weak...datz y i'm panicking...i juz need time to myself..gosh...i wish we can haf a whole wk of study break or sumting coz i'm going crazy. n relli, i dun tink i can cope wif a study group on sunday...i'll juz b digging my own grave doing dat.

dere's relli juz so much things on my mind...evryday, my mind is filled wif incomplete tutorials, backdated tutorials, overdued homework. n finishing overdued homework relli doesnt gif a sense of satisfaction. i mean. usually, wen u're done wif sumting u'll b like...yay! finally it's done! but juz dis morning, wen i finished my overdued karangan i was like, ok, it's done now i hafta move on 2 chem pract...

n nxt wk is both physics n chem SPA! i'm not prepared for both. not confident i will by next wk too...n my head was practically swimming wif qns juz now while i was trying 2 do chem...oh goodness...help me...

i'm at a loss. but i'm still not breaking down. wen will i? *shrugz* i juz feel like hiding in a hole..sighs...quote from dad.."wat happened 2 ur dreams? where's ur drive to work?"

=/ someone answer dat qn 4 me. now, back 2 my never-ending tutorials...n i'll drown. in my own sea of questions.