i'm kinda feeling light-headed dis days..i think it's nice not 2 b a hypocrite...u tend 2 worry less...hahakz...k, nvm...

anw, had a debate on 'percintaan di alam persekolahan lebih banyak mendatangkan kebaikan daripada keburukan' recently. n i realised i did learn sumting out of de debate.

i used 2 think dat it's pointless 2 go in2 a relationship at dis point of time esp since i relli do appreciate being single. seems 2 me dat being in a relationship can cause a lot of probz n so forth. but i also failed 2 realise y others choose 2 b in a relationship n i tink it was selfish of me 2 onli think dat my opinion is rite.

it all boils up 2 how an individual manages his/her time and b disciplined. it's definitely not easy 2 b in a relationship mase alam persekolahan but dat someone can act as a motivator, teman perjuangan, confidante n many other roles. my point is dat relationships will work out if de 2 ppl involved r ready 4 it. i guess im not. or mebbe i juz haven found de rite person. wateva itis, im in no hurry 2 get in2 a relationship. muz prepare for A levels first. =) yepz...

n now, i'm off 2 sch 4 my ogl camp. Whee~ I'm an OGL!!! hehe...tata!

Amal Hayati is not panicking wen she should be panicking.

She still haf loads of homework not done.
She has been slacking a lot these days.
She's not focused in her work.
Shez lacking of self-discipline.
She relli should get started on her work.
She does not have much time left esp wif all de family activities coming up.
Shez daydreaming a lot.
She better do something b4 sch reopens.
She muz oso stop reading her library bks coz wen she starts reading, she doesnt do any other work.

Amal Hayati, plz do something. aiyoh...not 2 mention dis ocip stuff is making me go crazy...y am i in secretarial committee??? grr..

My reflection for the year...=)

Dis year has definitely been an eventful year for me. n relli, dere was relli a lot of ups n downs n i definitely grew up towards d end of d yr. i realised now dat i haf certain qualities in me dat i neva knew existed n relli i juz needed 2 reach down inside me n bring dem out 2 get de bez of me.

im gonna keep up a positive attitude for nxt yr. datz my new year resolution. i had a positive attitude wen i 1st stepped in2 tpjc. one dat was bubbling wif entusiasm n all...den things happened n den i couldn't keep a check on my emotions. kept on feeling confused n depressed n all different kind of emotions. i was wondering wen i wd snap out of it. n people around me...my frenz, my family helped...listen 2 my probz n being dere 4 me all de time. thank u guyz...

n den, i decided 2 join ocip. i tink dat was de one of de greatest decision dat i made. i definitely din regret gg 4 de trip. n i relli grew up a lot after i came back 2 singapore. i realised so much how relli, i've actually been quite self-centred...i guess i kinda knew it all along. but i'll try 2 b more sensitive 2 other people's feelings now. relli, i'm trying. sorry if i cant b de bez yet.

yesterday, i went 4 a sports climbing clinic organised by saff perdaus. i definitely dun regret taking de time off from my studies to attend dat event. i relli learnt something from dat as well. apart from being able 2 experience rock climbing agn n refreshing my memories of how 2 rock climb, belay n all, i learnt dat i can b very determined n focus. it's all a matter of mind over body n so i've learnt dat if i believe dat i'm capable of doing sumting, i shd neva eva give up. dat shd b de laz thing on my mind. evrytime i climbed de rock wall, even tho i was stuck at times, i persevered 2wards d end n i'm freaking proud of myself 4 not even giving up once. (tho actually i almoz gave up on de race den i realised dat it's a race so i had 2 finish de race..haha...at least i did it!)

dere was even one rock wall dat i climbed blindfolded. n kak nurul, our facilitator was saying dat if u put dat in2 life, de blindfold is like de limitations dat we haf in doing something. but wateva itis, we can still use all d other things dat we haf, evrything else 2 reach our goal. we shdnt juz give up juz bcoz dere r limitations, juz like how de blindfold din stop me from reaching de top of de rockwall.

life is a game. u need 2 know how 2 tackle it. develop strategies on how 2 make full use of our lives. alhamdulillah, i relli learnt a lot dis yr. n i'm relli thankful 2 Allah 4 giving me all dis opportunities 2 discover myself as well as make me a better person. Insya-Allah, i'll change for de better...

my frenz r always dere 4 me...
am i always dere 4 dem too?

i've not been a gr8 fren dis yr. i've been cold. i've been mean. i've been living in my own world. i spun my own web of misery. i pushed the blame onto my frenz. i was a hypocrite. i kept on expecting people to look out 4 me. 2 help me. 2 relieve me of stress, misery n make me happy always. it's always wat i feel dat matters most. do i relli, relli spare a thought for my frenz?

i'm sorry 2 everyone whom i call a fren. sorry 4 not being de bestez person i can. sori. n thx 4 bothering 2 stay being my fren. even tho at times i can b relli difficult 2 handle. yepz. thx.

Frenz...I luv my frenz..or so i thought.
I've changed.
N i dun deny dat.
I dun wanna b a hypocrite anymore.
I dun wanna gif pathetic excuses 2 xplain myself.
I wanna b responsible for my own actions.
Hey...u guys r perhaps better off WITHOUT a fren like me. Seriously, I'm not kidding. Think about it.

i dunno watsup wif me n tears nowadays...dey happen 2 juz fall freely u know...

i was talking 2 irah over de fon juz now abt plans 4 family day..n after a while...i juz din know wat i was talking abt. i dun tink i made much sense...i wonder wat irah was thinking...*sighs* i'm juz so tired. tired of evrything. tired of constantly making preparations..tho i realise i haven even relli started preparing for anything. debate. a levels. family day. i've not been involved in de planning of family day. i've not met up wif my grp members for debate. i've not been doing my school work. n i badly need to take a break tho de prob is i dono how. i dono how 2 stop n take a break without my mind screamin 'go n study now!!! or go n do ur homework nw!!! or stop being lazy!!! or sumting like dat.' tho i managed 2 actually ignore dat sick feeling of not obeying my mind 2day n not do a single thing relating to sch 2day bsides attempting to read straits times. note attempting.

n 2moro i hafta go 2 my grandma's house 4 family day meeting tho i badly wanna say no coz i wanna go back 2 schwork. not onli go 2 my grandma's house but sleep dere as well. which means saturday n sunday will be gone. not to mention dat dere's gonna b a cousinz' outing moz prob nxt wk plus abbas proposing an ocip outing on monday. i'm juz going nuts at de mention of going out coz dere's onli 2-3 more wks of holz n sch will reopen n i badly need my foundation of maths, physics, chem, hml!!! seriously...my brain keeps on screaming n screaming every single second dat i tink of sch evry single second. how excruciating is dat? i can't even rez properly. cant relax cant do aniting without thinking of my studies.

i'm freaking scared n i'll admit...i am stressed. help me take a breather. plz. oh n stop me from thinking abt sch. do dat n i'll congratulate u.

oh gosh. i'm soo freaking irritated coz i'm having a splitting headache n i cant make myself sleep. not 2 mention dat i'm feeling terribly tired n sleepy but i juz cant make myself go 2 sleep!! i even tried 2 cry myself 2 sleep, listen 2 music, wateva....it's all not working seh....n 2 tink dat i've neva had trouble sleeping b4. watsup man? grrtz. i wanna sleep...y doesnt my body juz get de msg? oh n btw, i din get enuff sleep yesterday too coz apparently i had trouble sleeping yesterday nite which is y i tink i'm havin dis splitting headache coz i tink i mite have been making myself stressed out. de point is...i dono...i cant tink.

so, all de memories down de drain huh?

yea. cool. juz wat i wanted 2 know.

somehow, i feel like my heart has juz been ripped apart but i'm not feeling it. nah...dunno how 2 xplain. 4get it.

ladida~ i'm cool. no worries.

boo~ cikgu still owes me an article on kata seerti. i donno how 2 do research seh. haix...muz i relli do dis? nyeh...

i'm on de verge of giving up. still clinging onto the branch but gonna fall anytime soon. argh!

nonono...dun tink. calm down n start all over.

i still dun get wat i'm doing...*confused all over*

shootz...i din follow my schedule 2day....+ yesterday....k, i'm starting to lag behind....ok, i'm screwed...*slaps self* wake up!!!!

To lead a meaningful life IS enjoying life.

i seriously tink i'm mad.

y?

erms....a whole bunch of reasons dat i malas wanna type out.

so..yea...i shall take my leave..

ohh...yea...i rmmbr...saying dat i wdnt change my template anymore...BUT..oh wells, i juz got sick of looking at de same thing over n over. *scrunches up face*

so...my frenz r at pulau penyengat for mlep immersion programme. i tink i know y thailand wasnt as enjoyable....bcoz i lack company of my gd frenz...yea...oh wells...

hmms...yea...nvm....bye2..

sumtimes i juz dun get myself...i dun understand de decisions i make...

haix...

i tink i'm such an ass...

*sighs*