i'm feeling fresh! whee~


anw, y izit so difficult 4 me 2 juz feel happy nowadays? *rolls eyes* eargh


anw, u know wat i relli feel? i feel like i'm an anti-social.


eh, know wat? i tink i'm imagining a lot of things u know...hmms...i'm relli emotionally unstable ah?


y do i sound like i'm talking 2 myself? oh...bcoz datz wat i am doing? nyehk...


kau hancurkan hatiku, hancurkan lagi, kau hancurkan hatiku tuk melihatmu...


bye2

2day was a bittersweet day. yupz.

n so, according 2 my hp, i reached home at 8.13p.m.


Alone.


I'm a monster.


I tink i lack of self-esteem.


I tink i'm very posessive.


I tink i'm too sensitive.


I tink i get jealous very easily.


N i let myself wallow in misery too often.


I dun remember wat else i thought...but i know dat i'm not in the mood to think now...which is good...yupz...tata all.


Oh...i get angry easily too...

fatin bought me a bar of chocolate 2day!
whee~! thank u fatin!!!


hehe....anw, yesterday was fun! i was jogging at de nearby park 4 abt 15 mins...cool! haha...i was perspiring all over...=) n den, aft dat, on de way home...i was like singing de dk song using my suara perut...so loud lah! i'm mad...haha...


anw, 2day....had a long talk wif farhana after sch...yupz, tink i'm getting a lil closer 2 her...=) n i gave de 4 of dem their end-of-term letters alredi...yay! haha...


oooh~ n i took de developed photos from de nearby film shop alredi!! veryveryvery nice!!! muahaha...shall bring d album 2 sch 2moro..yupz...kla, i gtg now...bye2!

morning ppl! haha...i'm awake! n i'm amazed dat ariff's online at dis hour too....hehe...din know dat i'm not d onli nutsy person here....oh wells, anw, i had a gr8 time yesterday...muahaha....let's c...yesterday, i had madrasah exam. supposed 2 haf ngaji in de morning...but it was cancelled...so, tak gi ngaji...den, had 2 hantar my adik 2 perdaus...so, reached perdaus at abt 2+pm. my exam starts at abt 5...so, blaja by myself in de conference rm...den, wen my frenz came at abt 4.30, we went 2 a nearby shop n bought twinkle! haha...yea...skali, mine tak leh bukak...ya allah...serious ah...punyerlah susah....den asked around 4 help...n haziyah helped 2 bukak kan...n whee~ 3 flew off...haha...funnylah she....


ok, so, did our exams....ustaz azman was our invigilator n he kept on making jokes....funky~ haha... after exams, me, nadiah n diyanah went 2 wait 4 maghrib. after solat, we set off on our mission...hehe...yea, took bus no. 18 to tamp int...den, we went TM. i saw so many tpjcians around....probably abt 20+...yea...i actually bothered 2 count...haha...was juz kinda amused...tsktsk...hehe....


so, went 2 TM n took neoprints! haha...den i decided 2 buy ice cream while diyanah bought fries. yea, left TM at abt 8.45, 8.50 around dere...=) but yea, had fun....teruk betullah...ade ke patut anak dara jln2 mlm2 gitu....*geleng kepale*


so, in d end, i reached home dah nak kul 10...khai happenned 2 kol me while i was reaching home..yea, so i talked 2 her 4 quite some time...yea...yupz...=) i luv my frenz!

ok...now, i can smile....=) finally, i've gotten a hold over myself. wootz~ yea, i haf 4 end-of-term letters 2 write...=) haha....i tink i'm d onli one who actually writes end-of-term letters for frenz...


yea...so, anw, 2day was a fun day! haha...1stly, in de morning, i had spe....had a slow jog around de track 4 4 rounds...yea, n i jogged so slowly dat i was lagging behind de whole claz n running alone...hehe...but i din mind...it's cool, rite? hehehe...i still jog 4 4 rounds tho...i like running~ sumhow, tpjc is such a cool sch...haha...i have always hated running tau....hmmhmm...


yea, den, did some back passes wif d rugby ball. den had break...after dat was maths tez! haha...yea, went out of audi feeling quite happy n light-hearted...a burden lifted...yea....i could do moz of de qns...tapi tak habis semue ah...


hmm...lepas tu gp....haha....we went 2 de sch lib...haha...4 lib orientation...2 periods seh...merepek...haha...tapi tk kisah ah...den, met my abg who was studying alone in de lib... talked 2 him quite a bit. den i was asking abt his physics tez n he replied dat it's failable...aiyoh...haha...


lepas tu chem tutorial...de tcr came in like 10 mins b4 de lesson ENDS..haha...den in d end, she went off....so, we had no chem lesson. so, maths was d onli subject dat we relli had 2 study juz now.


oh ya, lepas maths ade mlep. ops...i din do hw...n so, had 2 finish it up dere n den. wow. i shdn't procastinate. but twas cool ah...i actually finished evryting juz now. but as a result, was released onli at abt 2.30+ instead of 2.10....den i was like oh no~ i'm so late 2 get 2 d airport...


my dad, grandparents n my aunt's family were goin 2 indonesia...yea, so, i whipped out my hp n called the walking street directory...haha...my bro of coz...n asked him 4 de fastez route 2 d airport from sch. yea, he told me 2 take 27. =) thx bro. i made it on time 2 gif my grandparents n dad n all a hug n salam dem n all..yea...


den, ate my lunch at d airport. yupz. wif my mum n adik2. fun. haha. took 858 home...supposed 2 stop at jalan kayu 2 take 168 since it's faster but den slenger me missed de stop... hehe...den, i stopped at yishun mrt instead 2 take 969 home. yea. so, i reached home 15 mins earlier than my mum? hehe....yepz....


at home, kelam kabut did gp quiz....yea, so moz of my workload dah kurang....=) no wonder i'm happy rite? yea...like wat i told khai dis morning...MY breakdown period is over. n yes, i muz relli keep 2 wat i say...no more breakdowns...yea....i'm orait now. yupz, thx bro 4 ur concern...n even ariff....hehe...gosh~ i'm seriously oklah ariff....


k, skarg, saya dah ngantuk sekali! nak tido....btw, i relli took a long time juz 2 fill up dis entry lah...de time now is 11.26p.m.

u wrenched my heart wen i took a look at de photos u put up...juz shows how insignificant i am... n it juz reminded me dat i juz dun belong...


grrtz...y do i try 2 fit in evrywhere?

whoops~ i skipped physics lecture 2day...my 1st time skipping lecture dis term...dah tak leh angkat ah...den summore, i dun c de point ah...seriously..if i had gone lecture, i can guarantee i'll sleep n not pay attention...mite as well i do something more berfaedah...but i was seriously tired ah tadi...dlm lib, aft going thru some physics, chem as well as maths, i slept 4 abt 5 mins? haix...ape seh...5 mins...haix...5 mins pun jadilah..dah penat sgt...


yea, den, stayed back till abt 5.15pm aft sch. anw, i promised myself not 2 stay 2 long on de comp 2day...bsk ade maths faculty tez...jadi, mesti blaja...yea...den masih ade byk lagi hw yg harus dihabiskan...*sobs* kla...tata!

i juz want 2 b happy. but i 4got how it's like 2 feel positive. n i keep on looking back at happy times. but my current state is still like dis. anw, now, i gtg sch. bye2.

it all boils down 2 attitude...watsup wif me n all dis negativity stuff? n i'm starting 2 blif dat i'm such a loser, idiot, wateva i keep on saying...gosh~ datz utterly ridiculous! amal hayati is a fun, lovely gal...who loves to smile, haf frens around her, be optimistic...yea...amal, come back...missed ya...

i am a loser


oraitz....my confidence is sapping away....i shall not deny dat. i'm close 2 tears rite now but i dun wanna cry. i'm sick of myself.


stress levels high...yea...


screwed up physics SPA juz now.


stayed in sch till abt 6+ 2 finish up GP essay. at least datz done.


maths faculty tez coming soon..


i'm tired. exhausted. depressed.


how cum i dun seem 2 know u anymore? y?


i'm stressed. dere's juz too many things on my mind. i tink u shd get ur ass off my head so i'll haf a clearer mind...urgh!


i shd go off now.

juz wen i was picking myself up, i heard abt something dat made me feel all crummy agn..like i'm some insignificant being not worth being rmmbrd...yea, perhaps i am. i shd face de fact. on d other hand, i shd cheer up coz i talked 2 my abg on de fon 2day! haha...it's not evryday dat i get 2 talk 2 him..yea...n i apparently talked to him thrice 2day. once in de canteen, once at kallang n yea...once baru je abt half an hour ago.


bsk ade physics SPA. cepat seh...nyehk...ingat nak kol 2 org...in d end kol satu je...dahlah...takmo kacau budak yg lagi satu tulah...


nyehk...i'm supposed 2 b doing my gp essay now. jadi, tak leh type panjang lebar sgt. yes. dan saya juga ngantuk dan penat dan ingin tidur cuma tidak boleh tidur selagi saya tidak habis kerja rumah saya. ya. apalah saya mengarut pakai bahasa melayu baku ni?


ape2lah...anw, ade org kate yg saya ni cute dan sweet. haha...thx...=) i muz try 2 keep a smile on my face...dun b a loser gal. b brave n strong. yes.

I'm a useless dumbass.


ok....i haf had agp reading log dat is now 2 times overdue...n so, i decided dat once n 4 all...i shd settle it. n so, i took out the lot of newspapers i haf, n searched thru dem 4 suitable articles. n i managed 2 find 4 articles, which i haf 2 find anw...coz of penalty...n lo n behold, i was happy...separated the articles away n put dem on de table. n den, of coz...being the lazybum i was, din start work on it straight away...


now, guess wat? d articles r all gone 2 i dono where...how nice...n i'm so ded once more...now, i wdn't even haf any articles...coz i took de ones on mass media out alredi....eargh....


2.22 am


wat am i doing awake? well, c, i was sleeping, n suddenly got uncomfortable...so, i woke up....den, while trying 2 get back 2 sleep....i suddenly got jolted by the memory of i'm supposed 2 do reading log!!! n den, poof! i suddenly became wide awake...n 2 my horror realised dat yea...my newspaper articles r missing...


i am an idiot. now, shd i get back 2 sleep?

yesterday was a warped up day~ hmm...actually, evryday has been a warped up day...hmms...dunno y but my thoughts haf been so disorganised, disoriented, distracted...shrugz....


anw, yesterday had madrasah exam..on de whole ok lah...but...man...d exam qns were tougher than usual...izit? actually it has been dat standard...hmm...alah...wateva lah...de point is...i was like dying doing de qns...but i tink, de moz screwed up paper was hadith...dat has always been my weakest point...man~ but i din leave any qn blank...so, yea, hopefully wateva i answered makes sense n can score marks..hehe...


3 more subjects....n exam's gonna b over...


oh ya, i'm going 2 seoul garden 2day! haha...it's gonna b my 1st time dere...going wif my family...ain't dat cool? =) yepz, my dad wants 2 celebrate mother's day...supposed 2 b laz wk but coz of de family gathering, it's postponed till 2day...yea...=)


okie..now, gotta do some work or else i'll b ded...onli a few hours left. bye2!

I missed u....yea....i really do...

thx irah....luv u loads....thx 4 making me feel better...thx 4 listening 2 me...n my whole story...yea, relli appreciated it...


phew...i got evryting out of me now....n i'm feeling much, much better...altho...my eyes feel blegh coz i cried so much alredi...but i feel saner now. yea. thx agn irah. i tink i feel more ready now at facing ppl. yepz. n datz all i wanna say 4 2nite...=)


oh ya, oral exams juz now at madrasah was fun...haha...=P

i'm not ready 2 face anyone.





sports day....i was so proud of myself! haha...i improved my running...yepz...had 2 run twice agn but yea...quite happy wif my own self-achievement. my claz din win but as cindi sed, it's ok...dere's alwayz nxt yr..haha...yea man...


hmms...songfest...fatin was champion!!! congratz 2 u gal! u were gr8 onstage! i luv ya! =) n yepz, de groups n bands did well too...congratz 2 all those who won...=) u peepz were gr8! yepz...i did enjoy myself...


yea. n now, i still haven touch my PI. i am so dead.

dis week....has been a bad week....bsides monday n hopefully dis coming fri...


smlm, maths tez-i screwed it up
2day, chem SPA trial-i screwed it up
2moro, GP compre tez-unknown status


yea...lemme talk abt 2day...


pagi..woke up as usual...got a phone call at abt 5.56am from khai...den, i decided 2 go later wif de rez of de gang...n i ended up going out late, missing de normal bus, caught de nxt bus, stupidly dropped at de mrt station n missed de train n so had 2 wait 4 de nxt one...n hence...caught de nxt 168 bus...luckily enuff, i wasn't late. if not i'll juz cry i tell u..


den, while assembling at d courtyard, i realized i din get my giro form signed...gosh...i felt like so down...i was like..man~ how cd i haf 4gotten 2 show it 2 my parents?! yea, felt so miserable...den, called my mum on de way 2 chem lab...n got s scolding/lecture from my mum which made me cry a little...nyeh...i'm a crybaby...


den, aft washing my tears(i went 2 toilet), i went 2 chem lab...having SPA trial...den, while doing de experiment, dis teacher came up 2 me n scolded me coz i din unscrew de bottlecap while pouring in distilled water into the volumetric flask...i felt so stupid but i was thinking..i've always been doing dis...how was i supposed 2 know it's wrong...den, de teacher seem 2 b paying xtra attention 2 me 2 c wat other mistakes i made...den, while i was titrating, i realized dat i stupidly left de filter funnel at the burette....i felt like crying seh...seriously...like y was i feeling so distracted n nervous n dunno wat not...eargh!


n den, de calculations part...i din even understand wat i'm supposed 2 find!!! yea, so, as u can c, i screwed up big time...my abg told me it's ok coz it's usually dat way..i need 2 practice n train more 2 b focus..yea...n get tips from other students from my batch...coz apparently he doesn't wanna share any wimme...*glares at abg* yepz...


so, den aft a bad, bad morning...my mood was dampened n so i kinda felt very miserable thruout de day...den, i had 2 make my way back 2 wdlnds alone too..so, dat made me feel miserable too...haix...yea...wat a nice day 2day...full of miserable feelings...nyeh...


n i din c him 2day...


nyeh...i'm not supposed 2 care...ok...yea...so...i haven done my homework. i'm mad. so, i'm idiotic, mad, nuts, miserable. wow. cool. bleghness.

i'm exhausted 2day..hmms..dunno y...but yea...n i screwed up my maths tez..how nice...wen dere were onli 4 qns...so disappointed in myself...n i'm so idiotic lah...boleh tertidur mase buat tez...of coz dere'll b lesser time 4 me 2 complete de tez...such an idiot...urgh! but...yea, by hook or by crook, muz do much, much better 4 de upcoming faculty tez....


hmms...2moro, 1st 2 periods i haf SPA chem trial....hopefully i'm prepared 4 it...i'm another idiot agn...i juz realized dat i neva look thru aniting....madness lah me...how in de world do i xpect 2 do well? ishk...


oh ya, physics lab experiment 2day was fun! haha...coolness...i actually know wattodo! haha..yea...was quite happy abt dat...den, i went straight home 2day..tak stayback...which reminds me..i'm supposed 2 check out my timetable 4 2moro...


haix...i'm mad lah..still haven done GP reading log which was due hmm..laz wed...bagus eh? n my gp teacher put on his website...--> those who r gonna b late, u know wat penalty u shd do... which means, i'm supposed 2 do 2 reading log articles...want me 2 die? i can't even finish one! i am so haishk...


oraitz, n so i better go 2 sleep now b4 i tertido in my chem spa trial 2moro which is very, very important! yepz...nitez all...

2day was a fun, fun day. haha...me n khai n hazmi met up at abt 11+ in de morning n went searching 4 gifts 4 fatin...eh, khai, u better rmmbr 2 develop de photos k...yea, den, we took 168 2 tamp mrt stn n took mrt 2 tanah merah. yea...i asked ppl 2 cum at 12.45 n i was late...oops...sorry... yupz, den took number 14 2 cold storage n voila..fatin was dere waiting 4 de whole lot of us..haha...


so, got 2 her house, started eating n all den solat zuhur den juz chill around...yea...den, blablabla...we cut cake...melted ice cream cake..haha..but oh wells, thx fatin 4 de big extra portion of cake u gave me! yea..appreciate it...special treatment eh? =) hehe...prasan..


ok, yupz, den we walked around n took pictures at de pool...n hmms..fatin got pushed in2 de pool..haha...cool...but so evil..haha..yea...den we even visited de playground...de slide is fun! slippery enuff 2 slide thru it freely...haha...yea...i was like so mcm budak kecik..haha....mmg slalu gitu pun...


den, got back 2 her hse, solat asar, den some ppl played carom...yea, den wen we balik, her dad gave us all a lift 2 tamp mrt station...yea, at dat time dere were onli 6 ppl left in fatin's house.. takkan ramai2 muat kan..


yea, reached home at abt 7pm...my parents weren't dat happy of coz...i keep on going home late evryday...oh wells...yea...but, 2day was a cool day...yupz, n i tink fatin like my gifts...n our gifts...yupz..yay! haha....

how cum i'm so petty all of a sudden? haix...mixed feelings...


anw, tadi pagi, went 2 d airport 2 meet up wif my tutor...my tutorial..i tink shd b able 2 do almoz all de qns now...onli de 1st tutorial ah...haha...on trigo..yea...assignment..masih dlm proses pembikinan..haha..yepz...hmms...trigo susah lah...*scrunches up face* anw, trime kasih ye tutor...


hmm..smlm, ade org msg tanye boleh kenal2...merepek seh...ingatkan siape aje..rupenye my clazmate from perdaus..haha..i was so amused by his msgs 2 me dis morning...org ng kat dlm bas...ngantuk...dpt msg dier terus cam so geli hati gitu...i ended up smiling2 n all..haha...yea..cool...


haha..so, 2day..saya naik sky train! haha...nak amik gambar ngan my tutor abe dier mcm tanak...so, in d end tak ah..haha...my tutor so cute! haha...whee~


so, anw, went 2 my cousin's hse...yupz, den oops...i kinda tripped over de fon line n de wire tercabut...rabak seh..i felt so..erm....bad...like bukannye slalu i cum 2 their hse den i cum, ade accident pulak..so, now, their fon not working..n dey r currently uncontactable..oops...sori!!!


hmmshmms....mother's day coming...in d end, i can't go 4 de gals' hockey match..nyehk..sori eh gals..i keep on saying i'm going den cannot go...apparently, i alredi made appointment wif my siblings 2 buy a gift 4 our mum...yea..n i 4got abt it...as usual...tsktsk...yea....


wow...i juz bukak tingkap n saw de sky...dere r clouds....n de sight is juz so nice!!! ah~ finally some cool air let in2 de rm...i'm so stupidlah..de window was closed juz now...no wonder so stuffy!


hmm..smlm, i saw d orion's belt! so cool..haha...tot cdn't c it anymore...i's been a long time since it laz said hi 2 me..haha...slalu asik sembunyi di sebalik awan...i luv nite skies...esp wen dere r stars....*smilez*


oh ya, smlm so cool! haha...had 2 do madrasah project coz it'll b counted 2wards exams...after de talk at taman warisan, i went 2 meet my madrasah clazmates outside tamp lib...met one of my current clazmates in tpjc n he was like where r u going...so i sed lib n he was giving me an exasperated look dat sed oh god~ u're studying on a saturday....haha....n i had no time 2 explain 2 him....but oh wells...yea, anw, we met at lib den decided 2 go mcdonalds since i haven eat lunch...n we did our project dere..so fun! haha...


den, on de way 2 madrasah, we were like laughing2 coz of me...dotz....haha...coz of a sajak i wrote n coz i was drinking my melted sundae dat looked like milo n i had milo as my drink too...nyehk..haha...k, crap lah...but yea, had fun..it's like almoz an outing..hehe....


yea, den lepas our grp presentation we were posing 4 grp photo..haha....tapi fun ah! yepz...cool eh ade projects? tapi take up time...=/ but twas fun working wif dem...yea...=)


hmm....my tutor told me 2 start working on my PI...i so haf no ideas...i'm so ded lah..lum buat2 lagi...giler seh...tsktsk...